Dear August: Another Nearly Gone...

Well our time together is nearly over for another year, and you have not let me down. I honestly can't remember the last time an August was so busy, so energetic, so exhausting, so full of actually warm sunshine.

It's been a month of gorgeous weather, sad events, exciting events, BBQ's, running around like a headless chicken, praising the fact that I no longer seem to suffer from hangovers - gotta love this getting older lark!

It's been a month of seeing family - family that I haven't seen in a long time, and family that I've never met before.

It's been a month of planning for the future, and surprising myself with how that doesn't scare me.

It's also been a month of planning for my 30th. I think that I'm on plan H now, but I think I might stick with this one, this time! I always like to make a big deal out of birthdays, because it's a great excuse to bring people together :)

I have to say, that I'm going to miss you August, but that's okay, because we've had our laughs, and this will most definitely be an August that I remember for both the good and the bad.

But, I'm a little bit worried August. September is also a weird month for me. I know that January is considered as the beginning of the year, but September always seems to be the beginning of something when it comes to my life: whether it's the new school year, or when I always seemed to start a new job.

So September comes with a little apprehension, especially since August has been such an unexpected month. I'm nervous, but excited - at the same time - to see what this month will bring.

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Dear August: Life

We are half way through you August. Half way. It feels like I say this on the 15th/16th of every month, but where is time going? How does it slip by so fast?

I spend so much time worrying about things that are so inconsequential and irrelevant, that sometimes I think I've worried so much that whole days, weeks, maybe even months have past me by, and I've barely even noticed. But, by the time I do notice, I wonder what the heck I was worrying about.

But worry isn't the only thing that seems to encourage time to whizz by. As I mentioned a few letters ago, August has been an unpredictably busy month, and doesn't appear to be showing any signs of stopping, and busy months are renowned for flying by.

It's funny though, because my days are so less regimented than they were when I was at school. School days felt crammed with information and people, and I always seemed to be doing something, and yet time seems to go faster now! Is that because the busy of school was "boring"? I don't know, but I wish that time would slow down, because I'm starting to feel like time is flashing by so quickly, that I'm beginning to get left behind.

I've known for a long time that my life wasn't going down the same path as most of my friends, and I'm okay with that. But there comes a time when I've started to feel that maybe it's time for change. Or maybe my life was never going to be that black and white, and maybe I'll just carry on following my feet, to see where they take me. I think it's more fun that way.

Thanks for everything August, and thanks for keeping me busy.

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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Dear August: Summer of 2000

Do you remember the summer of 2000? It was the summer that so many of us weren't sure would arrive, because of some Millennium Bug (it was kinda like the paranoia of 2012, but was something to do with computers, and looking back was even more ridiculous!).

By August, we'd just had a lunar eclipse (I was in bed, and reluctantly watched it on This Morning, because I thought that I'd end up regretting it if I didn't make a slight attempt to watch it - I do kinda regret it!) and I had finally escaped the prison known as School.

For me, the summer of 2000 was the end of childhood, purely because it was the last time when I spent the summer without worrying about work and what I was going to do with my life. To me, it was the summer of absolute freedom, because I was old enough to make my own decisions about how I spent my time, and yet I could still get away with feeling completely guiltless of doing absolutely nothing.

In the summer of 2000 I got my first mobile phone (a chunky black Philips phone from Dixons). I went to my first live concert (Party on the Pier in Cleethorpes, headlined by Five, and for which I still have my Five flag!). I celebrated my GCSE results with friends at Fatty Arbuckles and drank cider in a local park (classy!). It was the first time that I had truly felt "free".

We were the Millennium Babies. We were about to be the first to trial EMA (that turned out to be pretty awesome, even if it was only £20 a week, it was the most money we'd ever had!), and the first GCSE results of the new decade, the new century, the new millennium.

It was a big deal. Well, to me it was.

If I could re-live any summer, or more specifically, any August, it would be the one from 2000 without any doubt.

Love you always August, and may we forever remember the awesomeness of 2000!

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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Dear August: An Experiment and Zaggora Hot Pants

In 89 days I hit thirty, which means that I have 89 days to slim down so that I can fit into the dress that I have bought for that very occasion. So August, I could really do with your support, because I don't know about anyone else, but I always find that sunshine motivates me to keep active. Therefore, I'm going to stay hopeful that you August will be the best opportunity for me to do the biggest bulk of my weight loss.

I know, I know - it's a lot of pressure on you. But, I have faith in you, even if other people don't.

So, as luck would have it, a couple of weeks ago, I was approached by a company called Zaggora, who -

for those who haven't heard the buzz around them - sell hot pants that are designed to help the wearer lose weight. Well, they're not really hot pants - as such - more leggings, really.

I have to be honest and say that I was incredibly sceptical of them, and have gone in to trying them with what I hope is quite an open mind, because although I have my doubts, I really want them to work. I think I want them to work since I have so many inches to lose, but I'm not going to expect too much.

On first impressions, they are a lot more comfortable than I expected them to be. This was surprising, because having measured myself I was actually on the verge of a XL and XXL, so since I'm attempting to lose weight, I opted for the smaller of the two sizes.

The only issue that I've had with the leggings has been that I don't feel that they are long enough in the body. I know that a lot of girls, these days, like trousers etc to sit on the hips, but for me hipster-type trousers and leggings, have a habit of just falling down. That is, of course, the exact experience that I've had with these. I am hoping that once I lose a bit more in terms of inches around the hips, they will (hopefully) fit me a bit better!

I'll do a fuller review in a couple of weeks, when I've had a better opportunity to try them out, but hopefully they'll help me to lose some inches :)

For me, losing weight - now - isn't about being "thin", because I have been never been "thin", instead it's about getting healthy

So August, I'm counting on you to stay nice and sunny (but not too hot) so that you can keep me motivated!!

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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Dear August: A Couple of Ponderings

I think that I spoke too soon last week, because the unexpectedness doesn't appear to have stopped, but I am - at last - back at my own desk, in my own chair and it is nice to be home.

When I was at Uni, a friend told me that he hoped - in the future - to live by himself, and at the time, I'd thought he was really crazy. But having lived - effectively - by myself for over two and a half years, it's made me realise that having alone time is definitely good for me, especially since I'm an introvert.

As scary as the idea sounds, I'm a big believer that introverts should have a period of taking time to live on their own, not because we're all going to turn into recluses, so should just accept it, but because I think that it helps to encourage us to appreciate both alone time as well as having other people around.

Although I've enjoyed spending time being around people for the past week, I really am happy to be back in my own little world!

Anyway, how you doing August? It's been a while since we had a catch-up!

I'm actually appreciating that the temperature appears to have cooled down a little, so thank you for showing the love August - but feel free to kick September up the butt, because I have a lot of outside stuff going on in September, and some nice weather would be good :)

So, this is evidently only a short post today, which is a bit rubbish making up for the week that I've gotten behind on posting, but I'm sure that you understand August!

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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Dear August: Organised Chaos

We're only six days in, and already you are proving to be an unexpected month. Every day has so far been busy and I'm finding myself doing things that a month ago I wouldn't have expected to be doing. It's a little unnerving at times, but it's nice to be busy - even if you have brought a little sadness with you...

Everything that has happened in less than a week, makes me ponder what else you are going to throw at me August. But of all the months, I'm glad that it's you that has challenged me because you always were the adventure lover!

The weather you have brought has - so far - been a little unpredictable, but I don't know why I'm surprised, because we live in England, and that is just how things are. But the past six August's have been such let-downs, so it is definitely nice to be seeing lots more sunshine blended in with the rain showers, rather than the one big rain shower that we appear to have become accustomed to.

As Charlie says in Katherine Rundell's novel; Rooftoppers:

"I am an Englishman. I always have an umbrella. I would no more go out without my umbrella that I would leave the house without my small intestine."

Well, for me, I'm more likely to go out with my fold-up waterproof coat, but Charlie certainly said it right :)

Love you always August, and remember that a good mix of sunshine and rain is good for a variety of things - such as keeping the gardens green, and the air cool so that we don't all suffocate in the heat - phew!

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

Dear August: Big Town Girl

There was a time when I was embarrassed to tell people where I came from, because it's the kind of town that draws two kinds of responses.

The first is the people that don't have a clue where Grimsby is. When I was at Uni, one guy actually thought that it was near London - it eventually transpired that he was from London, and of course we all know that to some people, the entire world revolves around London, so I don't know why I was so surprised.

The second kind of response is one that irritates me the most: it comes in a wide variety of forms, but is basically very negative towards the place. The funniest thing about the negativity? 99.99% of these people have never visited Grimsby, or even know someone who has.

Around two and a half years ago, I moved to a small market town about twenty minutes away. One of my reasons for moving here, was because I wanted a quiet life, in a small town where everyone was friendly and the atmosphere was nicer. But, in hindsight, life hasn't become quieter - this town has a crazy night life at weekends. I've also found that I really miss the convenience of having a shopping centre, I also miss being near friends who have since moved back into town.

It's weird how much we can moan about where we live, but the moment someone else does, we become so protective of it. It's also interesting how much we miss it, once we've left.

My home town might not be everyone's cup of tea. But, to me, it's home.

Love you always August,

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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Dear August: The Morning After The Night Before

Thank you for not giving me a hangover this morning - I always worry . Also, thank you for helping me to survive yesterday. Well, you didn't rain as my Weather App hinted - so that was good!

However, I would like to make a slight complaint about being so hot because this equation just isn't working for me:

Heat from Sun + Curling Tong Heat = A Very Sweaty Kat

It's funny how it never gets easier being the quiet one who is happier to sit in a corner, rather than get up and dance, but it's nice to have got to a stage in my life where I don't feel like I have to get up and dance if I don't want to - which I typically don't. 

It's also nice to have reached a point in my life when I can recognise when I'm ready to go home, rather than staying out until everyone else is ready. 

I actually chose to walk home, and I know that a lot of people would think that I'm crazy - and sober me is definitely one of those people - but I find walking home late on a Summer night to be quite liberating. There's hardly anyone around, and I feel happier that way. I'd never do it either during the day, or when I was sober but it was a nice walk.

So August: Thank you for not raining, and thank you for a warm evening so that I could walk home :)

Love you always August,

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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Dear August: Social Anxiety

I am going out tonight. This should be a good thing, and really it is, because I'm genuinely looking forward to it. But, at the same time, I am nervous as hell.

Social anxiety is not a part of me that I love, or cherish. In fact, I wish that it would just piss off.

The language might seem strong - to some - and I did contemplate changing that to "go away", but that didn't seem strong enough to even come close to how social anxiety makes me feel.

It makes me angry and so frustrated, because it's something that controls me, and I don't like that. I hate not being in control. I don't consider myself to be a control freak - if anything, I'm too laid back for that - but I want to control this.

I want to be able to make friends more easily, I want to be able to talk to people, I want to be able to go to the shop - by myself - when I need something. I want to be able to go to the Post Box when a letter needs posting. I want to be able to go outside for long walks or jogs, on my own, so that I can lose some weight.

A part of me wishes that I'd recognised the anxiety a long time ago, because I've come to realise that this is something that I've been struggling with for a long time - from as long as I can remember.

For a long time, people thought I was being lazy and/or awkward, but I now understand that they were wrong. I wonder how many people with anxiety are wrongly branded as being lazy, when really they would like nothing more than to do all of those things.

I hope that everything goes okay, and I hope that worry doesn't consume me. I hope that I remember to enjoy myself.

Love you always August,

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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Dear August: Packing Up and Growing Up

Yesterday I told you about how much it sucks to grow up. Well, today I want to tell you how it feels to be packing up everything that remains of my childhood.

When I was younger, I was distraught at the idea of leaving my childhood home for good. Whilst I was at Uni, I hated the idea of not being able to go back to the warmth and safety of it all, because it had been a place where I escaped the bullies, and where all of my dreams begun.

However, aged 29 and packing everything up for the very final time - as we all move on, in very different directions - I've come to realise that I don't feel as sad about it, as I'd expected to.

This house - or bungalow, since that's what it is really - is full of memories. Some awesome, some sad. They're my memories, and I cherish every single one of them, but it really does feel like the right time to move on. Why?

Progress.

When I was growing up, we had neighbours - of course - but none of them overlooked us. We had trees, and fences and the benefit of awkward angles, making our slice something very much an area of privacy and seclusion. It was almost as if our house and garden were in a completely different world.

And then progress happened. The houses overlooking our back fence, and the Village Hall built at the front.

In the space of a few years, my childhood home has lost that special magic known as privacy and I am happy to walk away.

It's strange to think that I had all of this privacy when I was a kid, and now I live in a world where privacy barely even exists any more, because we all share so much of our personal lives on Facebook, Twitter and our blogs.

My child self would be screaming in terror, but I think that we need to embrace and accept that things are changing, and that we need to change with it.

Love you always August, and thanks for listening,

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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Dear August: Why I Love and Hate You

So we meet again my old friend. It's been a while. Twelve months to be precise.

Once upon a time you were the month that I cherished most, because of everything that you symbolised. You were the month of freedom, of escapism, of sunshine and doing what I wanted. You were the month when I wasn't expected to do anything, or be anything.

And then, I grew up.

There are a lot of things that I love about being a grown up:

• My independence
• Being able to make my own choices
• Going to bed when I want to
• Knowing that I am old enough to watch every single film, drink alcohol, vote, buy a lottery ticket without worrying about getting ID'd

Then of course, there are the things that I don't like quite so much:

• Having to pay bills
• Taking responsibility for every action that I make
• A severe lack of freedom
• A severe lack of "the August effect"

For me, August is no longer anything special, instead, it is just like any other month, except it's full of kids, and there is no escaping the fact that they are enjoying everything that I loved about August. Instead, I have to work in order to pay the bills, I get to look at the sunshine through a window, instead of from within the grass and I don't get to be "free".

I love August, and yet a part of me kind of resents it, for being the one month when I really want my childhood back. I want to enjoy this beautiful month in a more carefree way, but that's not going to happen, which is always going to be sad.

Growing up is fun, but it sucks at the same time.

Love you always August,

*This series of posts was inspired by the Letters to July series run by Emilieofnewgloom, make sure you check out her YouTube Channel, because she's pretty awesome*

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